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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036063">Before Dawn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJLightwood/pseuds/MJLightwood'>MJLightwood</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Breaking Up &amp; Making Up, M/M, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:46:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036063</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MJLightwood/pseuds/MJLightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ziyi and Xukun are exes. Maybe friends. Xukun isn't entirely sure. Friends came to pick each other up from airports right? Even if it was 4AM in the morning?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cai Xukun/Wang Ziyi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Before Dawn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>「那个冬天，女孩跟男孩打了一个赌，如果天亮之前能下一场雪，她就留在他身边。</p>
<p>他们都知道这是一个从来不下雪的城市。」</p>
<p>—蔡徐坤</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The coffee shop is quiet, peaceful in a way that airports aren’t. Xukun would be thankful for it, but the peaceful atmosphere does nothing to calm his nerves or his rapidly beating heart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s too early in the morning. Too early for the flowers to be in full bloom and too early for the sun to have fully risen. It’s much too early to be awake, but the jetlag and constant pounding in Xukun’s head keeps Xukun’s eyes open anyway. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s also too early for Xukun to be dealing with this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whatever this is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi knows the owner of the coffee shop. It’s probably why they’re allowed inside even though it’s way before business hours. Xukun can tell that the old lady running the shop is extremely fond of Ziyi. Who wouldn’t be? Ziyi is still the polite and overly kind sweetheart that Xukun remembers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She welcomes them both into her quaint little shop happily. She even tries to help with Xukun’s two gigantic luggages that have somehow ended up in Ziyi’s care. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi doesn’t let her, of course. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun’s sleep-addled self is busy trying to figure out the exact moment both his luggages were taken over by Ziyi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did it happen at the airport? The artificial warmness of the airport had felt stuffy and unpleasant. All Xukun wanted was to go home, wherever home was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time home is a hotel room, a temporary stop before his new apartment is ready. The thought of spending yet another night alone in a hotel room makes Xukun’s heart sink. What difference would being in a hotel room make? It would feel all too fake anyway, just like the airport, providing the same uncomfortable and suffocating kind of warmth, like the rainy summer days that Xukun hated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi’s warmth is different. Xukun knows this much. He hates that he does. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You came,” Xukun had said when he’d seen Ziyi. He didn’t mean to sound so surprised, at least out loud. Deep inside, he’s stunned senseless at the sight of Ziyi waiting for him outside arrivals. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi had been searching for him, but Xukun had seen him first. Xukun had not been expecting anyone to pick him up from the airport, so he didn’t even bother looking around, but being able to find Ziyi in a crowd is second nature for Xukun, even after two long years. He’s exhausted, and thirsty, and struggling with his two luggages, but somehow, his gaze still lands on an all too familiar figure, exactly as tall as Xukun remembers, with a black beanie tugged loosely over his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d recognize Ziyi anywhere, Xukun thinks bitterly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wonders if Ziyi’s hair is still long, or if he’d cut it. Two years apart was a long time, and it gave inevitable room for change. From something as insignificant as hair styles, to other more important things that Xukun didn’t really want to talk about. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In an ideal universe, Xukun drops everything he’s holding onto, including the well-built walls around his heart, and rushes forward into Ziyi’s arms. In an ideal universe, Ziyi’s warmth envelopes him the way he so badly and desperately needs. In an ideal universe, Ziyi smiles at him like he’s in love with him, the way Xukun is still in love with Ziyi, even after two long years. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In this universe, Ziyi still smiles at him when he sees him. Xukun can’t tell if the look in Ziyi’s eyes is love, but he can tell that it’s genuine, even if it’s not enough. It makes Xukun’s heart skip a beat anyway. He’d missed that smile, even if his pride would never allow him to admit it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I came,” Ziyi had said, gently taking Xukun’s luggages from him. Xukun lets him, much too worn out to think about anything. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So it was then. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t have to,” Xukun had told him, though not harshly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In this universe, he still feels a familiar warmth radiating off Ziyi, even though they’re not touching. It means that Ziyi is much too close, and Xukun can’t decide if it’s what he wants or if it’s the last thing that he needs right now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun doesn’t think that he can handle touching, much less a hug, not when the way Ziyi’s fingers brushing over his own had already sent tingles through his body, all the way down his spine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanted to,” Ziyi had said with a shrug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Who would come if I didn’t? Who else would you let in? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ziyi doesn’t say. He isn’t sure if he has the privilege to ask Xukun these kinds of questions anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Welcome home,” Ziyi had said instead, eyes twinkling. “Let’s get you some coffee? You look like you need it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Home. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Xukun had pondered over the word for a moment. He supposes that China is indeed his home, he did grow up here after all. But he hasn’t been back for two years, and somehow he wonders if he can keep up with all the new changes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He isn’t even going back to live with his parents, opting instead to buy an apartment with his savings. It would be nice to have his own space. He would be alone, but he’d learn to live with it. Xukun had always enjoyed channeling all of his focus into his work anyway, so hopefully he wouldn’t have the time to allow loneliness to creep up on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing Ziyi now, he feels his heart clench as he recalls vivid memories of falling asleep in Ziyi’s arms, happy and content. A stark contrast from lonely nights spent alone in bed, miles away from the only home he’d ever known. He recalls never-ending conversations with Ziyi, continuing late into the night, so different from the empty feeling in his heart as he spent sleepless nights staring at the ceiling, wishing that his mind could be as blank as the plain white plaster if it meant that he could just fall asleep and forget.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It would seem, Xukun thinks dejectedly, that loneliness had already made its way into his heart and grown its roots. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you trying to trick me into a date, Wang Ziyi?” He had asked, ignoring the way his heart was screaming for the man in front of him. He had tried to force a playful smile, but he’s sure that it had come out as more of a grimace. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi had laughed. “Would I be successful?” He had asked, and Xukun had gone silent. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You would, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Xukun wanted to say. Ziyi had sensed that Xukun was upset, and was almost ready to apologize but had been cut off by Xukun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I need coffee. Let’s go,” Xukun had said, blatantly ignoring Ziyi’s question. Somehow, Ziyi was still able to smile, ever so kind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And always kinder to you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Xukun tells himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop tricking yourself</span>
  </em>
  <span>, a voice in his head scolds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The taxi ride had passed in a blur. There was a literal space in between him and Ziyi, quite fitting considering the invisible wall that Xukun knew was standing in between them. If Xukun presses his face to the car window, letting the cold bite into his cheek as he feigns sleep, trying his absolute best to ignore Ziyi and his pounding heart throughout the ride, then it’s just him trying to protect himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>From what, Cai Xukun?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somewhere in between the pretending, he does actually fall asleep, and that familiar dream comes to him again. Xukun wonders if he should call it a nightmare, considering the way he had always woken up feeling empty after. Always harshly reminded of just how alone he was. Always reminded of his biggest mistake, which was breaking up with Ziyi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun admits that he only has himself to blame for how heartbroken he is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In this dream, it’s always snowing. It’s always cold, the cruel kind that bites painfully into your skin and seeps into your bones. The kind that makes it hard to breathe and even harder to think about anything else except your freezing fingers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi is always far away, but somehow Xukun knows that he’s smiling, even though logically he’d be too far away to see it. In the harsh cold, Ziyi always offers Xukun his hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What Ziyi says here is always different. Sometimes it’s ‘come with me’. On days where it hurts the most, it’s ‘stay with me’. Sometimes it’s ‘Xukun’ or ‘Kunkun’ or even just ‘Kun’. Xukun likes those days the best, because sometimes he’s afraid that he’s forgotten how his name sounds in Ziyi’s voice when he’s not hearing it through a voice message or a phone call. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Today, the Ziyi in his dreams says nothing. Today, Xukun runs to him desperately even though with every step he takes, his boots only seem to be sinking deeper and deeper into the thick snow. Despite his best efforts, Ziyi only seems to get further and further away, and the snowstorm only seems to get more and more intense, blurring Xukun’s vision. It’s so frustrating that Xukun wants to scream, but when he parts his lips nothing comes out, and there’s an emptiness in his throat where his voice is supposed to be. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he had finally woken up, it’s with Ziyi’s warm hand on his shoulder, and Ziyi’s face so close to his own that Xukun has to blink twice to confirm that Ziyi is real. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re here,” Ziyi had said, gesturing to the coffee shop behind him. He doesn’t tell Xukun about the way Xukun whimpers in his sleep, or how he’d reached across the empty space between them to gently place a hand on Xukun’s knee in hopes of comforting Xukun. It hadn’t worked, and seeing Xukun sleeping so uncomfortably, clearly plagued by a nightmare of some sort, had made Ziyi’s heart ache. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It isn’t snowing outside, but it’s still freezing cold. The cafe is warm. Not in the way that Ziyi is warm, but not like the airport either. It’s a pleasant and homely sort of warmth, and Xukun lets himself drown in it. The coffee that Ziyi presses into his hands is hot. Xukun cups it with his fingers and lets it warm his palms as he tries to forget the dream that he had. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have you told your parents that you’ve arrived?” Ziyi prompts from across the tiny table. Xukun shakes his head, taking a sip from his coffee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Later,” he says, dreading the way his parents would never leave him alone if they knew he was within their arms’ reach. He loved them both dearly, but sometimes everything just felt like too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Why did you come? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wants to ask Ziyi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought you wanted me to, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he knows Ziyi will reply, so he doesn’t ask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Did you want him to come? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Xukun asks himself. He guesses that he must have, even if it was only subconsciously. He’d sent Ziyi his flight details after all, and had told him that no one would come to pick him up. He did have second thoughts about sending those messages, but in the end he’d pressed the send button before flinging his phone away like it’d burned him, terrified of Ziyi’s reply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun keeps telling himself that it’s okay to want things. But when it comes to Wang Ziyi, he isn’t sure if it’s okay any more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Xukun,” Ziyi says gently, trying to coax Xukun out of his spiraling thoughts. Ziyi places one hand over Xukun’s own. The gesture is enough to draw Xukun’s attention back to Ziyi. “Are you alright?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing Ziyi’s worried eyes, Xukun wants to cry. “Yes,” Xukun lies, even though he knows that Ziyi can see right through him. Or maybe he can’t anymore, it’s been two years after all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fat chance</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Xukun thinks, seeing the way Ziyi’s expression falls even further. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just thinking about the apartment,” Xukun continues. He does have to think about it eventually, worry about getting furniture in and moving his own personal belongings. There’s also something about closet space that he hasn’t quite figured out yet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How is it?” Ziyi asks, and so Xukun tells him about the nice landlady that hopefully continues to be nice as he completes his purchase. He tells Ziyi about the most mundane things, like sofa colours and his inability to keep house plants alive, and asks for Ziyi’s opinion about light fixtures and vacuum cleaner models, showing Ziyi pictures on his phone. It’s easy, almost too easy, to talk to Ziyi like this. To relax into their familiar routine and pretend that the intensity in between them is not setting all of Xukun’s nerve endings on fire.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun thanks the caffeine for his newfound courage, and for the immense strength that he’d needed to keep his hands steady as he talked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re cut short when Xukun receives a call from his mother. With a deep sigh to prepare himself, Xukun answers it and presses it to his ear, muttering a ‘sorry’ to Ziyi, who shakes his head and gestures for Xukun to go ahead. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zaizai, have you arrived?” his mother asks. Xukun immediately feels guilty when he hears the worry in her voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have,” he answers. “I’m with Ziyi,” he adds quickly before his mother can start scolding him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The line goes silent for a good two seconds. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” his mother finally says. Xukun knows that she’s forgotten about wanting to ask him about his flight or his apartment, or about when he’s going to come and visit them. He knows that now, all that is going through her head are questions about Ziyi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>About </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Whatever him and Ziyi are. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Exes? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Xukun presumes, even though it makes his heart hurt. He’d effectively broken up with Ziyi after all when he’d gotten on that flight two years ago. But did exes talk after deciding that they didn’t want to pursue a long-distance relationship? Or did exes have coffee together while chatting about interior design? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It did feel oddly couple-like, though Xukun wants to slap himself for even thinking about their current situation in that way. He was the one who’d broken Ziyi’s heart two years ago, and he was lucky enough that Ziyi still considered them friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Friends came to pick each other up from airports right? Even if it was 4AM in the morning?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re home, Xukun. I’ll talk to you later?” His mother offers in a careful tone. Xukun wants to tell her that he isn’t made out of glass, that the mention of Ziyi is not going to make him shatter, but he isn’t so sure about it himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Thank you,” Xukun says. “I love you,” he adds, hoping that it’s enough to convey how guilty he actually feels. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too,” she says, her tone instantly softening. Ziyi’s still looking at him when he ends the call, and the way Ziyi’s soft gaze burns through him makes him want to ask Ziyi to look away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll bring you to your hotel?” Ziyi offers as Xukun downs the last of his coffee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun nods. “I’d like that.” He tries another smile, and finds that it comes easier. Ziyi returns it brightly, and Xukun suddenly misses lazy mornings spent in Ziyi’s arms, Ziyi’s face glowing with happiness, even brighter than the sun. He misses feeling safe, misses the simple way he’d rant to Ziyi about anything and everything, and the way Ziyi would listen to him attentively each time. He misses the way Ziyi’s fingers had felt as they combed through his hair. He misses the steady rhythm of Ziyi’s heartbeat against his ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun knows that he misses too much, far too late. He knows that he longs for the unreachable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the way Ziyi is smiling at him now is almost enough for him to pretend that nothing has changed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They collect their coats and head for the exit, Ziyi bids goodbye to the shop owner, who gleefully offers him two freshly baked bagels. Ziyi gives one to Xukun as they wait for their taxi to arrive and Xukun accepts it gratefully, feeling his stomach grumble. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kun,” Ziyi says, but the nickname feels like a weight in Xukun’s chest that he can’t shake off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Xukun manages to get out after he swallows the last of his bagel. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You promised me something,” Ziyi tells him, his voice full of uncertainty. Ziyi’s eyes are fixated firmly on the ground, avoiding Xukun’s gaze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I promised you many things, Ziyi, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Xukun wants to say, guilt clawing at his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And I broke so many of those promises. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Ziyi meets his eyes this time, Ziyi’s sincerity sends a jolt through Xukun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Before dawn,” Ziyi starts, and Xukun has to look away. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, not sure if he’s trying to will away the pain in his chest or the tears building up behind his eyelids. “If it snowed before dawn, you promised me that you’d stay by my side.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” is all Xukun can bring himself to say, his voice a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembers that day clearly. How could he not when it was the last night he’d spent in Ziyi’s arms? The last night he remembered feeling that safe, and cared for, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Ziyi says. Xukun still has his eyes closed, but he can imagine Ziyi trying to console him with his gentle smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t supposed to snow that day. It had never snowed that early in the year. Xukun and Ziyi had been arguing for a whole month already about their relationship. Xukun was adamant that long-distance relationships would never work out, and that it was better if they parted on amicable terms before Xukun boarded his flight and left. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Ziyi had been heartbroken, trying everything to convince Xukun that it was possible, that it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and didn’t Xukun have any faith in their relationship?  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Looking back, Xukun thinks that spending that last night with Ziyi was a mistake. But Ziyi had shown up stubbornly outside Xukun’s door, and Xukun’s mother had let him in. And when Ziyi had wrapped his arms around Xukun tightly and pleaded with Xukun to change his mind, not about leaving but about breaking up, Xukun had caved, finding that he’d wanted nothing more than to be in Ziyi’s warm embrace for one more night, even if it meant breaking both their hearts when he left in the morning. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was never supposed to snow, which was why he’d made that promise. “If it snows before dawn, Ziyi,” he’d said. “Then I’ll stay here, by your side. Do you understand?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi had only nodded silently, pressing a kiss to Xukun’s forehead. He hadn’t wanted to give up, but clearly Xukun was trying to show him how pointless their situation was. It would never snow before dawn, and they would have to part ways, and Ziyi’s days would continue on without Xukun in them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought of it was bitter and painful, but at least he could have Xukun for one last night, so he’d taken it, anything Xukun was willing to give him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun had woken up first the next morning. He had seen the frost building up on the windows, and the gentle dance of snowflakes as they fell. His heart had sunk as he reluctantly untangled himself from Ziyi’s arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Staying with Ziyi was as impossible as the chance of it snowing before dawn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yet, it had snowed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And yet. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had taken everything in Xukun to leave quietly without waking Ziyi up. He remembers taking one last look at Ziyi, if only to make the pain in his heart just that little bit lighter, more bearable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even asleep, Ziyi had been frowning, as if he’d known that something was wrong. It had taken everything in Xukun to walk away, to stop himself from dropping everything and snuggling back into Ziyi’s arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t stay,” Xukun says, feeling the first of his tears escape even though his eyes were still firmly shut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’d come severely underprepared for the weather. In the few short minutes outside the cafe, he felt his once warm fingers already freezing over, and the inevitable clatter of his teeth as he shivered. His breaths were already forming puffy white clouds in the air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, he feels warmth in the form of a scarf, carefully wrapped around his neck. He opens his eyes in surprise. He’s met with the sight of Ziyi, unbearably near, an expression of careful focus as he wraps a wooly red scarf around Xukun’s neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re cold,” Ziyi explains. Xukun lifts the fabric of the scarf to cover his mouth and nose, revelling in his newfound warmth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he mutters quietly, not quite brave enough to meet Ziyi’s eyes just yet.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you want to stay? That morning?” Ziyi asks softly, almost as though he’s afraid of the answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun doesn’t have to think twice before answering. “Yes. Of course I did.” He thinks that the truth is the least that Ziyi deserves. Ziyi’s face still remains impassive as he bites his lip, clearly deep in thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s enough for Xukun’s resolve to crack. “I didn’t stay by your side that morning, but you were always in my heart,” Xukun confesses. At this, Ziyi’s head snaps up in shock, and Xukun almost wants to run away, but he forces himself to stand his ground. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For two years, you were always on my mind. I wondered if I was still allowed to talk to you, and found that I couldn’t resist, even if it wasn’t fair to you,” Xukun admits frustratedly. “With every message that I got from you, I had to convince myself that I could move on, that I could let you move on. Every night, when I was alone, I knew that I couldn’t.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Xukun starts crying, Ziyi pulls him into a hug, the one that Xukun had missed so much. It was as warm as he remembered, and it felt as right as it did every time Ziyi would draw him into his arms to comfort him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Xukun breaks, sobbing in Ziyi’s familiar embrace. He lets himself melt into it, letting himself cling onto Ziyi tighter. Ziyi feels Xukun shuddering helplessly in his arms and his heart breaks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I regretted going on that flight every single day. I regretted not staying. I regretted breaking things off with you like that. You were in my heart, Ziyi, and I missed you so, so terribly,” Xukun tells Ziyi when he calms down, resting his chin on Ziyi’s shoulder. Ziyi only listens, gently rubbing circles into Xukun’s back to console him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stay like that for a while, in the comfortable silence that Xukun had missed so much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Kun,” Ziyi breathes, breaking the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s snowing,” Ziyi tells him. And sure enough, when Xukun pulls away and looks up, he sees snowflakes falling, landing gently on the red wool scarf that Ziyi had wrapped around his neck. Xukun’s lips part in awe as he watches the snow fall, some flakes landing in Ziyi’s black hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi smiles at the sight of Xukun. He’d missed how adorable Xukun looked when he was happy. He watches as Xukun catches the falling pearls of snow in his ungloved hands, sees the way Xukun’s face lights up with a childish sort of joy, and Ziyi makes a decision. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You were in my heart too,” Ziyi confesses, reaching to take Xukun’s outstretched hands in his own. “You are my heart, Xukun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sometimes, being with Ziyi made Xukun feel like everything had clicked into place. When Xukun would worry about an overwhelming amount of things, being with Ziyi cleared his head and made him feel as though all was right with the world. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was one of those moments. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Xukun says softly, almost in disbelief. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi presses a palm to Xukun’s cheek, and Xukun leans into it naturally. “Waiting for you was worth it,” Ziyi tells him sincerely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun moves first, pressing their cold lips together. Ziyi returns the kiss without hesitation, and Xukun instantly feels like a heavy, pressing burden has been lifted off his shoulders as Ziyi wraps an arm around his waist to pull him closer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi holds onto him like he's scared of letting Xukun go, but Xukun doesn’t mind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you think we can start again?” Xukun asks, when they pull away, foreheads still pressed together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ziyi chuckles at Xukun’s words. “Of course,” he answers before guiding Xukun into another kiss. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they finally part, they’re both laughing. It’s almost too easy, Xukun thinks, when their taxi finally arrives to save them from the cold, and Ziyi holds his hand through the entire car ride. It’s too easy to get used to resting his head on Ziyi’s shoulder, and too easy to offer Ziyi a spare key to his apartment that Ziyi accepts gladly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Xukun twists his fingers in the red wool scarf, refusing to take it off even in the heated taxi. “What are you thinking about?” Ziyi asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You,” Xukun replies. “The snow. My apartment.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It snowed before dawn,” Ziyi says, pressing a kiss to Xukun’s temple. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll stay by your side this time,” Xukun says, snuggling deeper into Ziyi’s warmth. “I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He intends to keep it this time, no matter how impossible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The way Ziyi smiles at him is more than worth it. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy White Day! This piece is the definition of "I had a vibe and went with it", the vibe being Xukun in a red scarf and the description of Xukun's song "Dream". I hope you enjoyed reading it! </p>
<p>My twitter is @ninesyi, do come and say hi!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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